by Mike Metz

Why "The Gringos"?
“Number one, [I named it that] to tap into my encyclopedic knowledge of the Spanish language. Number two, years ago, I wrote a movie called “Gringo,” and it never got made, so I might as well use the title somewhere. Number three, it’s two American guys in Mexico. Figure it out.”
— John Stephens, Co-Executive Producer and Writer, “The Gringos”

Going South of the Border
Is it metaphorical that Ryan returns to Mexico, the place where Marissa almost drank herself to death two seasons ago, to avenge his former girlfriend’s death? Abso-freaking-lutely not. Volchok flees to Ensenada in hopes of avoiding Ryan and the po-po, and although he may not realize the significance of his new locale, we certainly do. As does Seth. And that is why he shows some grande cajones by insisting to accompany Ryan down South. Seth of Season 1 would not have done this; nor would Season 1 Ryan enable his “stealth” brother to play Robin on such a harrowing rendezvous to Gotham. Of course Ryan abandons Seth the second they arrive in Meh-hee-Co (apparently it’s not too difficult to slip out when Seth spots a spider in the bathroom). However, like Dog the Bounty Hunter, Seth, eventually finds Volchok (apparently it’s not too difficult to trick Ryan when you give him the wrong address). At the end of the day, both Ryan and Seth demonstrate maturity: Ryan unsuccessfully returns home with the Cohens, while Seth spends time taking shots at the bar and getting tatted up with marines. How un-Ryan and Seth of them. A blind observer would have seen the roles reversed. Has the tide turned? Not exactly, but it’s a step, right? Cue the Imogen Heap.

Taylor Townsend Ties the Tether
Taylor Townsend, attractive foreign exchange student, goes to Paris. Taylor Townsend meets a French man. Taylor Townsend and French man get married. Surprise, surprise. This is about as surprising as finding a chocolate croissant at the café around the corner from her Parisian flat. She proved to be into the whole foreign meat market thing with the “Korean BBQ” experience of her senior year, so it is obvious her palette enjoys eclectic tastes. However, the even smaller precipitation present is the fact it didn’t work out and she has returned to the States to play a game of French hide-n-seek. She tries to reach out to her best friend, Summer (yeah, that’s right, Summer Roberts, Taylor Townsend’s best friend; weird, but true). Summer, as Taylor quickly learns, has her own relationship problems to work out and offers little assistance, if any. What exactly Taylor will do to get over/avoid her French nuptials remains to be seen, but knowing Taylor, she can jibber jabber her way out of it. If there is anything Taylor can do, it is talk herself out of a mistake. Too bad, gulp, it’s a marriage. Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one…Taylor, ready or not, here he comes.

It’s a Bird. It’s a Plane. It’s…
The man, the myth, the legend:Sandy Cohen, Super Dad. I do not think I have ever liked Sandy more than in this episode. First, he resists the urge to follow his sons to Mexico – ensuring Kiki they need to deal with the problem themselves. Then, realizing trusting Ryan and Seth in Ensenada on their own is about as logical as shaving off his signature eyebrows, Sandy insists he and Kiki hop into the Rover and roll on down to enchilada land. Once he arrives in Mexico, he looks as cool as a cucumber in his Ray Ban Aviators. Sandy Cohen is the father every one wants, dreams, lusts; and, at the end of the episode, he proves exactly why. Hit with the fact Julie Cooper sent Ryan to Mexico to kill Volchok, he confronts her…at the Yacht Club. Sandy is sick of Julie’s shenanigans – who cares if she “accidentally” killed the father-in-law he loathed – and is taking it upon himself to finally put Newport’s Most Wonton in her place. Knocking back a mysterious brown liquid on the rocks, Sandy delivers the legendary message to Julie in a fashion Dr. Martin King, Jr. would have been proud of. If only he could have conveyed the message with his Aviators on.

Song(s) of the Hour
The ones with Spanish in them.

The O.C. Forecast

• Kiki realizes her new-found puzzle-solving abilities (and takes it out on the Orange County Register crossword puzzle)
• Ryan mopes (and mopes some more)
• Summer shaves her legs (while drinking an organic espresso from her new machine)
• Kaitlin returns the stolen clothes to their rightful owner (herself)
• Che finds a new tree (to add as a Facebook friend)
• Julie scours her little black book (for a new, non-Cohen Thanksgiving dinner location)
• Seth incessantly stares at his tattoo (and misses his Vixen)
• Sandy rocks (and rocks some more)